My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
