I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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