He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
