Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
