well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
