just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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