I wish my penis had an off switch
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
