i can't believe i had my finger in that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do herpes really smell.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We left an ass print on the piano.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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