Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
