I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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