i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
