I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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