Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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