I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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