I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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