I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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