So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
