Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
