I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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