I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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