How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
