My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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