when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want nice things and good sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
