You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
