I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
