I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
