Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
