she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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