dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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