HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
