Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
