you traded sex for a burrito?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
