Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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