Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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