I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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