You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
