i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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