Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
