I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I FOUND THE LEGS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
