Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
