maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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