he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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