My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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