I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Randomize
