wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
