new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
