suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
