alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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