you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
