Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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