I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize