Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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