Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
