hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
