a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sobbing to NWA
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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