I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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