Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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