you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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