dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
