Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
