Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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