Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
