yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
