Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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