WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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