ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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