I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
