I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
