They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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