Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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