i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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