if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
